Perspective

Monday started with a great workout at the gym and a busy day at work. Sunday night I had a surprise call from my brother Bruce who I haven't spoken to in a couple of years. He had heard I had taken my granddaughter Trinity to visit our mother and as he was a brand new grandfather (for the first time!!) he wanted to share this with me. We had a wonderful conversation and it brought back bitter sweet memories. As I have said earlier, I was very ill when I was young and needed a lot of care and attention. Both my parents worked long hours and they didn't have much energy left for my siblings especially after caring for me. You would think in a large family that the siblings would be close. That was not so in ours. My older brother was born during WWII and was used to having my parents to himself. My twin brother and I came along when he was five years old and he was no longer the center of attention. To top that off, with me being so ill more sibling rivalry was created between the three of us. It wasn't really evident at that time but it would later be revealed in a way that I can't discuss. Over and eigh year period after my brother and I arrived, three more children were born and with very little money and large medical bills, my family suffered both financially and emotionally. We lived in a small community just north of Duncan. My parents ran a gas station in the community and we would have housekeepers to look after us during the day. In those days there wasn't such a thing as screening a perspective employee. We had one woman that abused my younger brother and then broke into all the children's piggy banks and stole the little money that we had saved. Our next housekeeper was very nice but there was a dark side to her also. My parents became quite close with her and her husband and occasionally left me(and probably some of my siblings - I can't remember) with them overnight. I stayed there occasionally from the age of 7 to 10. During that time the husband would molest me when he was alone with me. I had no idea what was happening but it would set a pattern that I would follow until much later in my life. My father was not a demonstrative person and the word "love" was never mentioned in our home. There was no sitting on his knee or getting hugs from him. There was no other men in my life except my brothers and this "dirty old man" so I equated love to what he did to me. For many years, this was how I defined "love". Even after all these years, it still has an impact on my being so I think I will focus on something else for now.

Today is Tuesday and it's been a great day. Walked to work in the "liquid sunshine" (rain) and felt full of energy. At lunch I went to the gym and did the workout that my personal trainer put me through last week. I think I even impressed the personal trainers at my gym. I am a very determined woman and my goal is to overcome my mental "weakness" so that when I cross the finish line at the 2008 Penticton Ironman I don't end up in the medical tent with an IV as I did in 2006
Had a great walk home and am ready for bed now.