Christmas blues? NO!!

For many Christmas is one of the most stressful times of the year. They say the highest rate of suicide is during this time of year - trying to accommodate family members with visits and phone calls and of course - gifts!!! Going into debt to make everyone happy - what one day can do to one's bank account!

Christmas in our little household came and went with very little stress and lots of good memories. We spoke with Chantal and Dale and got to listen to how excited they are as they plan their wedding.








I also had an awesome conversation with Micheline - Trinity was busy playing chess with her Dad so we were going to connect later.

A few of my family members were having Christmas with my younger brother so I gave them a call. I spoke with my mother and my younger brother and to my surprise I was also able to speak with my twin bother - we have drifted so far apart that I rarely ever speak to him. He got on the phone and we talked about how his kid's are doing and I did the same and we talked about getting together when I am on the Island. The gift of a conversation is so much more than any material gift.

Boxing Day Gerry had to work so I took some rest time in the morning and then off to the gym. Wow, what a workout!!! Once I learn how to create a video, I want to share some of these exercises with whoever is interested. They are intense but can be done in a way that saves a person from injury. Thank you, Kalev, Janine and Devin. I am having to deal with some weight gain though. I am gaining quite a bit of muscle (which is good)and what comes along with that are a few pounds - with my history, it's still scary but I will deal with it.

That evening I had a call from Micheline and I spoke with Trinity. Her words to me meant more than she will ever know. She said "Thank you Grandma for giving me a life". It shocked Micheline and me!!! Little does she know that I became pregnant with her mom at the age of 21 and I wasn't married. I had just completed my flight attendant training program and had passed the probationary period and was finally flying!!! I had no idea I was pregnant but knew something wasn't right. I can still remember walking out of the doctor's office with a stunned look on my face and getting into a cab. The cab driver took one look at me and asked if I was pregnant - I said yes. He then told me he could get me an abortion for $500. I was in a state of shock to begin with and his statement just about put me over the edge. I didn't even think twice as I responded with a resounding "NO". I loved this little baby from that moment. I had no religious beliefs at that time so it wasn't a pro-life or pro-choice decision. Life's path did change with my decision but even if I had known what the future would hold, that decision was one I would never change. I love my daughter so much and am so blessed that she has allowed me to be such an important part of my granddaughter's life. Thank you Micheline.

Thursday I was back at work but had the chance to do a great spin workout at the gym. Lots of sweat but it felt great! I'm getting a bit of an injury - it's Plantar Fasciitis - hopefully this is a short term injury. I think I am going to have to take some time off walking to work and maybe a couple of days off of running.

Today Gerry started a long awaited holiday and I got a ride to work. At lunch I worked out with one of the personal trainers and he put me through another awesome workout. After work I went swimming and Gerry put me through a great swim workout!! Boy, what a day. We then headed off to Value Village to buy cargo pants for me. For those of you who are thrifty and want to get into the recycling mode it's a great place to buy jeans and casual pants. I got three pairs of cargo pants for $25!! And they look great. We are home now and getting ready to spend four days on the Island (Vancouver Island) with very good friends. Can't wait!!

Barbara<><

Christmas - What's it really all about!?!

A time of celebration, of hope, of redemption.

As I contemplate the above, I marvel that I've been given the faith to believe. To many it is foolishness but to me He is the saving grace in my life. Everything I am able to do is because he has given me the strength. He is also a forgiving God as you will find out if you continue on this journey of mine.

I woke up Sunday to a very windy and rainy day. I had made plans to run with a tri club member so we headed out to run around the seawall. He wasn't able to run the whole way so we walked quite a bit. When we finished, I felt unfulfilled so I did a loop by myself. Running always gives me a chance to reflect on my life and my relationship with Jesus and where I am at. I had wanted to go to church but never made it. I attend an awesome little church where everyone is welcome but this last year has been the toughest year of my 20 year marriage. I know the church cares and wants to help but I just don't have the energy to explain what's made it so tough. I guess I'm also mad at God because He didn't stop us in our tracks. I will explain "this last year" later.

Finished my run and then went out and did a bit of shopping. I'm not a shopper and thank goodness my husband likes bike accessories. The tri bike shop that I usually frequent is staffed with awesome guys and girls. They are knowledgeable and treat you like family. I always end up spending at least an hour in there, sometimes coming out with nothing more than a smile.

All in all it was a great day and I will go back to church in the New Year.

I also made a very liberating decision. After 20 years of marriage I have decided to have my own bank account. This was something my husband fought but because I'm a saver and he is a spender, it has caused some conflict between us. Finally, after a threat of getting a financial adviser involved, he agreed that I could have this account and we would share the bills - and!! see who can save more money. Should be very interesting over the next year. Hopefully, this will give him incentive (he's a type A - very competitive).

Today, Monday is a beautiful day - lots of sun. Had a great walk to work and got to wish all sorts of people a Merry Christmas. I'm off at noon and plan to do a gym workout before I go home. Had a wonderful Christmas Eve with wonderful friends, Christina and Mike and little 2 month old Cooper. What an incredible little boy - so full of joy.

Christmas day started with our annual run - this year it was the trails of Stanley Park. Gerry has been dealing with a calf injury but he was able to run for an hour. My new way of running is allowing me to run longer and faster without the pain I had before.

We are spending Christmas by ourselves as Gerry has to work on Boxing Day. We had a great breakfast and then sat down to watch The Nativity Story. What a wonderful movie to watch on Christmas Day. We had our Christmas turkey dinner - tradition is very important to me and even though there was just the two of us, we still did Christmas dinner as if there was a large family attending. Hopefully, one day that will happen.

Well, it's getting late so I'm off to bed. And a wonderful day was had!!!!

Barbara <><

Under the weather

I've spent the last couple of days lying low as I've been sick with the flu. I'm thankful that it was short lived and I seem to be back in the land of the living.

Today I got on my wind trainer and did an hour and a half spin while watching a great movie "The New World" (basically a love story between Pocohontas & John Smith and then John Rolfe). It was a very slow moving but haunting movie.

It felt good to be doing something. When you are used to exercising just about everyday, taking two days off can be quite trying. I then did a core workout which Kalev has me do. Felt good. Tonight I am just relaxing in front of a hockey game and will be looking forward to a great day tomorrow.

I spoke with my youngest daughter yesterday and we are beginning to plan her wedding which is going to be next November. It's going to be an interesting year.

Just about time to call it a day - I'm also trying to put together my thoughts and memories of a childhood filled with torment, frustration and loneliness.

Here's a picture of my mother on her 90th birthday.


Barbara <><

Good and reflective times

It's Thursday and I am alone in my office today and while working I get to listen to Christmas Carols all day. I am full of joy and anticipation. It's the Jesus thing. For those who have put their faith in Him this time of year is filled with the awe of our Saviour's birth.

Wednesday started off with all the intentions of getting up early and going for a run, but laziness set in at 5:30 a.m. and we decided to sleep till 6:15. Got on my wind trainer and did a bit of a spin and then a nice brisk walk to work. Had a workout with my personal trainer at 11. By the time he had finished with me I was ready to be sick - it was that hard! The great thing about training with a personal trainer like Kalev is that he knows how to work you HARD but not injure you and at my age injuries come along quite often. When I went in for my first consultation with Kalev, he asked me what my goals were with respect to the personal training. I do a lot of running and cycling so cardio wasn't an issue for me. I told him I wanted well defined legs and upper body. If he doesn't kill me first I should get my wish!!!

After work I ran home and convinced my husband to run around the sea wall (Stanley Park) with me. It was a beautiful night (no rain!!) with little wind. Felt awesome when we finished and he was glad we did it. Here's a picture of us resting before the Ironman.

Today I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Woke up with a cold and a sore throat. I had all these plans of swimming first thing this morning and then climbing the Grind after work but I think I will forgo those and rest. When I am unable to do anything due to illness, I think of what it will be like if and when the Parkinson's will have its way with my mind and body. Up until now, I have been very fortunate with only a few symptoms. The last time I was at my neurologist, I asked him why I have been so blessed with such a slow progressing case and others like a fellow I met in Ontario who was diagnosed at the same time as me is on medication and not doing well at all. His answer was - you could be asking "why me - why was I given this disease at all". As I've said earlier, you never know how long you have before it starts ruling your life. But I'll continue the fight with my third Ironman at the ripe old age of 60 being my next goal.

When I think back to those years from 7 - 10, my mind is flooded with images of my twin brother. At the age of 3 I was sent to Saskatchewan for a short period to live with my Aunt and Uncle because the doctors thought the dry air might be better for my health - it wasn't. My mother told me that up until the time I left, my twin never spoke directly to them. He would speak to me in a language that only I could understand and I would then talk to them for him. It was very traumatic for him when I was sent away but he eventually did start communicating with them. I gather we were very close. In school he was very popular and quite an athlete. At home my twin wasn't so popular as he would always run away from home - I think he got the idea from that kid's show "My Little Rascals". (I would also run away with him but never got further than a couple of hundred meters down the road.) My dad would go out looking for him knowing he always headed in the same direction but each time he would get a bit further. When Dad got him back to the house, it was off to the woodshed for the "buckle end of the belt". It was a very dark period in my twin's life and is still affecting him.

If you had asked me at the age of 7 who I would want to marry when I grew up, I would have said my twin brother. I looked up to him and always wanted to be around him. We lived in this little community just outside of Duncan until I was 10 and then it was off to the big city and thankfully away from the pedophile who had wreaked emotional havoc in my life.

As I write this "Story" I must qualify that my parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had. They both went through World War II, Mom being in London throughout the war and Dad being on merchant marine ships two of which were sank with Dad being one of two survivors on one of the ships. There was no counselling back in those days for the trauma that they went through. They came out of the war with lots of baggage and nowhere to put it.

I will end today's writings on that note.

Barbara <><

Perspective

Monday started with a great workout at the gym and a busy day at work. Sunday night I had a surprise call from my brother Bruce who I haven't spoken to in a couple of years. He had heard I had taken my granddaughter Trinity to visit our mother and as he was a brand new grandfather (for the first time!!) he wanted to share this with me. We had a wonderful conversation and it brought back bitter sweet memories. As I have said earlier, I was very ill when I was young and needed a lot of care and attention. Both my parents worked long hours and they didn't have much energy left for my siblings especially after caring for me. You would think in a large family that the siblings would be close. That was not so in ours. My older brother was born during WWII and was used to having my parents to himself. My twin brother and I came along when he was five years old and he was no longer the center of attention. To top that off, with me being so ill more sibling rivalry was created between the three of us. It wasn't really evident at that time but it would later be revealed in a way that I can't discuss. Over and eigh year period after my brother and I arrived, three more children were born and with very little money and large medical bills, my family suffered both financially and emotionally. We lived in a small community just north of Duncan. My parents ran a gas station in the community and we would have housekeepers to look after us during the day. In those days there wasn't such a thing as screening a perspective employee. We had one woman that abused my younger brother and then broke into all the children's piggy banks and stole the little money that we had saved. Our next housekeeper was very nice but there was a dark side to her also. My parents became quite close with her and her husband and occasionally left me(and probably some of my siblings - I can't remember) with them overnight. I stayed there occasionally from the age of 7 to 10. During that time the husband would molest me when he was alone with me. I had no idea what was happening but it would set a pattern that I would follow until much later in my life. My father was not a demonstrative person and the word "love" was never mentioned in our home. There was no sitting on his knee or getting hugs from him. There was no other men in my life except my brothers and this "dirty old man" so I equated love to what he did to me. For many years, this was how I defined "love". Even after all these years, it still has an impact on my being so I think I will focus on something else for now.

Today is Tuesday and it's been a great day. Walked to work in the "liquid sunshine" (rain) and felt full of energy. At lunch I went to the gym and did the workout that my personal trainer put me through last week. I think I even impressed the personal trainers at my gym. I am a very determined woman and my goal is to overcome my mental "weakness" so that when I cross the finish line at the 2008 Penticton Ironman I don't end up in the medical tent with an IV as I did in 2006
Had a great walk home and am ready for bed now.

What a great weekend

Saturday was a great day. Usually Gerry works every weekend so I ride with my tri club and run on my own but not this weekend. We got up early and went for a 30k ride before the rain started and then went out for a snack and some Christmas shopping. Christmas to us is more about Jesus Christ than about all the fluff that goes along with it so just a few necessary things were bought. We don't have family close by and Gerry only gets Christmas day off so it's usually spent going for our traditional morning run and spending a day close to home.

Got up this morning and went for an awesome hard and hilly run. I've changed my running style in the last year because of a nagging knee injury and what a difference. It's called Chi Running . Now hill running seems effortless compared to the way I used to run them.

I'm still feeling my workout from Friday. My personal trainer worked my legs pretty good! I have learned one lesson through my many years of running and triathlon. The best thing to do after a hard run or bike ride is to sink the lower half of your body into an ice cold bath. It really does work. After Ironman 2004 as soon as I got back to the hotel after completing the Ironman,
I had a 20 minute cold bath and the next day I felt great. My husband Gerry just went to sleep and suffered with very sore legs the next day.

This has been a wonderful weekend sharing it with Gerry. It is so seldom that we have this opportunity and I treasure it.

A new week is about to begin and I wonder what's in store for me. Living with Parkinsons Disease has changed my perspective and I try and live everyday with purpose.

Another fine day

Today was another day to embrace. Got up a 6 a.m. - it was raining but warm and a perfect day for a run. Headed out for a trip around the sea wall. For the last couple of weeks, it's been quite cold so there's been quite a bit of ice but not this time. Finished my run feeling awesome and then walked to work. I had a session with my trainer today and did she work me. Even though I'm pushing 60 when I am in the gym I push myself pretty hard and my trainers know this so they push me just a little harder. As soon as they think something seems easy for me they add a little more weight or another 5 reps!! All this is to prepare me mentally for the Penticton Ironman in 2008. I've completed two already but I wimp out on the run so I am hoping becoming mentally tougher will help me push through those wimpy times. I also don't want to use the Parkinsons as an excuse to not give it my all and these workouts are showing me that even though I do have tremors they do not have to affect my performance. And age is also no excuse!!!


Went back to work and then off to visit a wonderful young couple and their brand new baby boy. What a joy to see new life with all its promise. I was blessed to have my granddaughter out visiting a few weeks ago and had the chance to take her to visit her great grandma who is 91 year old. To see those two interact was very precious.

Every day is your day

Woke up yesterday morning and seemed to know that it was going to be "one of those days". Usually on Thursdays, I work out of town and this was one of those Thursdays. I have this wonderful opportunity to work at one of my employer's residences which is located on the ocean. What an incredible place to spend the day!! When it is not raining I spend most of the day outside working in the gardens and what a time of peace and serenity. Yesterday it rained and rained and was so windy! So I stayed inside and did some boring filing. It could have been so much more if I had just relaxed and enjoyed it but instead I spent the day feeling anxious about nothing. I guess we all have days that seem wasted, but each time I have one I try and learn from it. Hopefully, next time I will embrace this time of solitude and relax within it.

My entry into this world was pretty overwhelming. I was one of triplets. The first was born premature and died. My mother had a terrible time carrying my brother and me but she did carry us to full term. The doctors had told my dad and her that not all of us would make it. Either one of the babies was going to die or Mom would. I was born breach (bottom first) and was a "blue baby" and was thought to be dead. Things were a lot different in those days. As there was another baby coming they covered me with a sheet and focused on getting my brother out alive and saving my mother. Dad in the meantime had driven to the top of a local mountain and had prayed (he didn't believe in God) "If there really is a God, please save my family". My brother was born a healthy little boy and Mom was going to make it. The doctors were about to take my little body away when they saw movement under the sheet. When they removed the sheet, I was no longer blue and was breathing on my own. My mother said that God honoured Dad's little bit of faith and prayer and breathed life into my body.

I seemed to be doing fine for the first year but as I started the natural growth process I had a terrible time breathing and spent a lot of my younger years in the hospital in oxygen tents. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. I wasn't growing and I was getting weaker and weaker. At the age of three they told my parents that I would not live past the age of eight and that they should put me in a solarium for children where I would live out my days. Mom wasn't quite so easy to give up on me. At the age of five Mom was having problems with her back so she went to a chiropractor. She told him about me and he recommended that mom bring me in. That was the beginning of a long road to recovery for my little body. My illness was finally diagnosed as curvature of the spine. What was happening was that as I grew my spine was so weak that it was curving inward towards my rib cage and crushing my lungs and that was why I wasn't growing in height.

Also back in those days there was no such thing as medical coverage so my parents were having to spend large sums of money for my treatment on top of trying to raise five other children. This lead to hidden resentment that would rear its ugly head as the years passed. But that's for another day.

Barbara <><

A day in a life

Hi to anyone that visits.

A brief description of myself:

I am 59 years old

I am married to Gerry

I have two daughters, Micheline and Chantal
I have one son-in-law, Andrew who is married to Micheline and they have blessed me with a wonderful granddaughter, Trinity
I am soon to have another son-in-law, Dale who will be marrying Chantal next October

I suffered from an eating disorder for a good portion of my life.

I now have Parkinson's Disease

AND I am an Ironman!!(for those who aren't familiar with what an Ironman is I will explain. It is a triathlon in which you swim 2.6 miles, bike 112 miles and run 26.2 miles - all in one day.) I completed my first in 2004 and then again in 2006.

I am new at this "blogging" thing but would like to share my "Story" with you. Hopefully, it won't be too boring.

Today I am just starting with what has been given to me on this day. I'm a bit of an athlete so I went for a run along the seawall in Vancouver (where I live) and then walked to work. I felt a sense of joy and hopefully spread it to the people I passed along the way with a simple smile and "Good Morning". What a difference it makes to simply say "Good Morning". You might be the only person who acknowledges that other person in that day!!!

I am training for the 2008 Penticton Ironman (celebration of the 60th birthday) so my employer gave me some sessions with a personal trainer to help build up my mental toughness. Today was such a day!!! I always thought I was pretty tough especially in the gym but his workouts leave me shaking at the end. I guess the shaking comes with the territory as that's when the Parkinson's rears its ugly head. My doctor says it's the adrenalin from the strenuous exercise that causes me shake, but the good side of it is that this strenuous exercise has slowed down the progression of the disease.

Tonight I am going to the gym to put my husband through the same workout that my trainer put me through. Should be fun!!!!!

I guess that's all I have for today but will get a little deeper into my life as I continue this "blogging".

Barbara <><